by Richard E. Rotman –PR Writer Extraordinaire

All one has to do to find notable examples of poor news release writing is go to Canada Newsire on any day. Organizations pay good money to release this news but they don’t bother to. Here are originals and suggested corrections: why do these organizations bother?

I. Xpertdoc Technologies Inc. Appoints President – Ms Varsha Bhat

or:

Xpertdoc Technologies Inc. Appoints Varsha Bhat President

PRW Comment:

• Don’t need the Ms.
• More active to put her name first

Released version: MONTREAL, Oct. 9 /CNW Telbec/ – Xpertdoc Technologies Inc. – a Montreal based technology firm providing document output products and solutions – continues to ‘wow’ the local community with its recent new appointment. Xpertdoc welcomes Ms Varsha Bhat as the incoming President, effective immediately.

PRW Revision: MONTREAL, Oct. 9 /CNW Telbec/ – Xpertdoc Technologies Inc. – a Montreal-based technology firm providing document output products and solutions ‘wowed’ the industry by apppointing Varsha Bhat as its President.

Comments:

• Need a hyphen between Montreal and based
• If you must use the ‘wow’ idea, who is being wowed? Why the local community—isn’t the industry more important?
• ‘Continues to’ is one of those clauses that almost always be eliminated. Previous examples of ‘wow’ can be expressed in subsequent comments.
• ‘Recent new’ appointment is redundant and unnecessary. The announcement implies ‘new.’ The only way the qualifier would be relevant and ‘effective immediately’ is if the appointment took place in the future.
• Using Mr or Ms is not CP style. If saying that Bhat is female is important, isn’t there a stronger way to underscore it, such as she is the ‘industry’s first female’ or something like that.
• In the rest of the release, the CEO is ‘proud to announce’ the appointment, while an advisory board member is also ‘pleased’ as is an investor who is quoted, repeating the word. “Ms” is also repeated four times and her first and last name is used in the last paragraph, where it should not be necessary.

All that in one release!

Ontario Long Term Care Companies Recognized Nationally for Leadership and Excellence

Original: MARKHAM, ON, Oct. 9 /CNW/ – The Ontario Long Term Care Association (OLTCA) is delighted to congratulate two of its members on being nationally recognized for the levels of excellence they have achieved in developing quality relationships and processes within their organizations.

PRW: MARKHAM, ON, Oct. 9 /CNW/ – Two Ontario Long Term Care Association (OLTCA) members have been being nationally recognized for excellence in developing quality relationships and processes within their organizations as a result of the Mediacorp Canada Inc annual competition.

OMNI Health Care Ltd. was named one of Canada’s Top 100 Employers for 2010 and in September, Diversicare Canada received the National Quality Institute’s Order of Excellence Award for continuous excellence in quality.

Comments:

• Combines two sentences into one
• Avoids passive voice
• Gets rid of the “delighted to congratulate” idea, which is not news.

Original: “We applaud the owners, management and staff at OMNI Health Care and Diversicare Canada for their leadership and commitment to excellence that resulted in this distinguished recognition,” said Christina Bisanz, OLTCA CEO. “It reflects a desire I see across our membership to be the best that they can be for the benefit of the residents they serve.”

PRW: “We applaud everyone OMNI Health Care and Diversicare Canada for leadership and commitment to excellence resulting in this distinguished recognition,” said Christina Bisanz, OLTCA CEO.  “Our members seek to be the best service providers possible for their residents.”

Comments:

• So many superfluous words. “We applaud…is delighted to congratulate.”
• “It reflects a desire I see—“ can be totally eliminated.
• “For the benefit of the residents they serve?” Or: “the best service providers for their residents.”
• This is a poor excuse for a news release anyway—no news, flabby language, no chance it would mean anything to an editor.

Just incredible–I never understand why they bother, when the writing is so substandard. Until next time…

So when my good friend Rasool Verjee showed me his new Blackberry application, BerryMiser, I jumped at the chance to help promote it and use it myself. Rasool and Bruce Croxon were the co-founders of LavaLife, the international online dating service and they have again teamed up to launch MobileMiser, this innovative new company.

I knew there were different ways out there to save but they all required me to change the way I made my calls from the Blackberry.

Bruce uses it to make International and long distance calls from his Blackberry and saves up to 80%. Rasool has no home phone any longer, just like my students because the service allows him to make all his calls from his Blackberry.

Here is what I want you to do:

If you are reading this on your blackberry click on the link below for a FREE 7 day Trial to call anywhere in North America (International calls are restricted during the free trial) and see how easy it is to make calls.

http://berry.mobilemiser.com/bbsignup/?ambassador=miser112

After you download the app making calls is easy. Go to address book/select contact/press the MENU key/choose “Use BerryMiser” which will be in the menu.

You will immediately receive an email from the Chief Miser telling you how to save money and a call from customer service to find out if everything is okay and you are able to use the service.

Enjoy your savings and please keep passing the word around.

Prepared with the assistance of Humber PR grad student Heather Smith…

As the ever changing landscape of public relations continues to evolve, social media has become a central focus. From blogs to Twitter to Facebook, social media is being used like never before.

For businesses looking to capitalize on this fast-growing trend, there are several ways to go about it. Before the networking begins though, you must first consider the following.

• What is the goal of your social media campaign?
• What do you want to accomplish?
• Who is your target audience?
• Which social media networks are you going to use? Facebook? Twitter? MySpace?
• All of the above?

Once you have decided which social media networking sites you are going to use, you can get down to business. Outlined below are three of the most popular social networking tools used today. All three can aid in brand recognition and online social media marketing.

Twitter

A free social networking service, users post ‘tweets’ of 140 characters or less for other Tweeters to see. Businesses using Twitter can use the site to post ‘tweets’ about their company, topics relating to their company’s services, events, etc. Twitter can be used to publicize your company’s website or blog, and allows for optimal business marketing. Users can engage in conversations with other Tweeters, thus allowing for effective word of mouth marketing. Another benefit of Twitter, as with most social media services nowadays, is that posts are made seamlessly from wireless mobile devices. Users can post a comment from their BlackBerry, and instantly it appears on their Twitter page.

HOW TO: All new Twitter users must create an account. Following registration, one must begin to grow their contact list by following other users, and encouraging them to follow you. The more followers one has, the more opportunities exist for conversation and networking. Twitter offers several applications that can be used to better organize your contact list, for instance, Tweet Deck allows you to categorize incoming posts by topic.

Facebook

Another free social networking service, Facebook offers many more features than does Twitter. It is the ideal way for a company to build a fan following with features like fan pages and groups. Businesses can target users by demographic, age, interests, gender, etc. Fan pages and groups allow users to post pictures, videos, hold discussions and post information related to their company. Companies can create events and invite users to attend. They can create ads to market their company. The opportunities for SEO and brand recognition are endless.

HOW TO: First time Facebook users must create an account profile. This includes contact information, interests, etc. From there, users will start to build their contact list by adding friends to their list. Now, users can take advantage of the many features offered by Facebook. Create a fan page for your company, or a group pertaining to a topic of interest. Create events to launch or publicize a product. The more friends you have on your list, the more people there are to network with. Videos, photos and discussions go a long way in engaging current and prospective customers.

Blogs

The blogosphere is a never ending world of online commentary. Individuals can develop blogs, but so can companies. Blogs are a great way to post information relevant to the company’s products or services. You can post links to blogs on Facebook, Twitter and company websites. Blogs attract readers that can then contribute to the conversation, therefore building the company’s online reputation.

HOW TO: There are a variety of ways to start a blog. One must first contact a web host that will allow the blog to be accessible to the World Wide Web. Programs like WordPress are used to design and develop the blog. Graphics can be added and posts created. Depending on the purpose of the blog, web designers can tailor blogs based on the company’s business goals.

While there are tens of social networking sites that can be used in social media campaigns, the above are just three places to start. With millions of users, Twitter, Facebook and blogs can serve to increase brand recognition, improve sales, and encourage new customers.

PR practitioners, many of whom are enjoying enhanced business opportunities, must be grating on the nerves of industry outsiders with their casual approach to today’s market meltdown. Crises, shutdowns and layoffs can often provide work for PR experts—just as journalists thrive on negative events.  While other sectors are pummeled by the one-two punch of inaccessible credit and decreased consumer spending, communicators still see opportunity. Such is the PR game, where tough times for others can reap big rewards for savvy strategists.

Businesses can’t simply stop talking when profits are down. Regardless of the message, companies need to articulate it clearly, using the right tactics, reaching the proper stakeholders. PR is thus needed at gloomy company announcements as much as it is at celebrations and positive news. Opportunity is always abundant with the right positioning and good news judgment.

Communications, however, is far from “recession-proof.” PR prospects are certainly out there, but the approach necessarily changes when profits are down. What remains important? Knowing where opportunities lay, what venues are no longer viable and which audiences remain relevant. Do people buy luxuries during recessions? Not really but they do go to movies and eat at McDonald’s (which just announced strong results, while Starbucks’ profits dropped).

Here are some helpful pointers to set you on the right path:

• Contract Work is In – Reduced budgets mean large, long-term retainers are unlikely in many companies. Short-term, one-time projects are increasingly available, especially during crises situations. If you were ever planning on heading out on your own, now – ironically enough – may be the time.
• Internal Communication is Key – When companies face hard realities, their employees do too. The need to communicate effectively within organizations becomes especially necessary in the instance of layoffs (such as is happening at Canwest now), pay-cuts or hiring-freezes. Leverage your practice toward these areas, showing clients that your external PR successes are only half of the equation.
• Public Sector Pays – In bad times we are all Keynesians; governments will start pumping money into job-creating public works projects as unemployment rises. This investment can prove costly and     contentious despite its benefits. PR expertise will be needed to broaden massive government spending’s appeal.
• Diversify Your Portfolio – Balance investments – and client portfolios; loading up on clients in one industry is asking for undue risk. If you mainly deal with resource companies, try to land contracts with a retailer or entertainment firm. Depending on your experience, this may be unrealistic; however, any hedge you can afford against overexposure can’t hurt.

Lastly, get out there and hustle. As you’d advise clients to step up their marketing efforts and ramp up PR, who are you to retreat? Now is the time to invest for your business’ future. It can’t last forever, the experts say but it might last for a while. Be ready; don’t stop thinking about tomorrow; create your own strategic plan for a post-recession Obama economy. That starts January 20.

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF CANADA NEWSWIRE—Oct. 31

Attention Business Editors:
James Goodfellow joins the Board of Directors of Discovery Air

Original version:

LONDON, ON, Oct. 31 /CNW/ – Gil Bennett, the Chairman of the Board of Discovery Air Inc. (TSX A.A), is pleased to announce that Mr. James Goodfellow  has joined the Board of Directors of Discovery Air.

PR Writer Improvements:

James Goodfellow, former Deloitte & Touche LLP Vice-Chairman, has joined the Discovery Air Inc. Board, said Gil Bennett, Chairman.

Reasons:

1. “In general, do not use the courtesy titles Mr. Mrs., Miss or Ms.” CP Stylebook, p. 318.
2. Who is the story about? A distinguished person joining the Board or the Chairman? Best to announce the news, and then say who is announcing which is at best insignificant or secondary.
3. Mentioning James Goodfellow without any title or attribution renders the story next to worthless—who is he after all?  He is the former Vice-Chair of Deloitte, the major accounting firm, so say it.
4. The Board of Directors of Discovery Air is unwieldy; two ‘ofs’ in one sentence are a sign that editing is required, hence: The Discovery Air Board of Directors.

So simple, all that in one sentence?

Next paragraph, original version:

Goodfellow became a Fellow of the Ontario Institute of Chartered Accountants in 1986 for distinguished service to the profession. He has over 40 years experience in public accounting and providing assurance and advisory services, primarily to large public companies.

PR Writer improvements:

Goodfellow, a Fellow of the Ontario Institute of Chartered Accountants since 1986, has more than 40 years distinguished service to the profession, providing assurance and advisory services, primarily to large public companies. He retired from Deloitte & Touche in 2008, and also served on the firm’s board.
Reasons:

1. Just a handy little rewrite. It brought two sentences together.
2. Got rid of the ‘became’ and moved distinguished service in place of experience.
3. Moved the retirement statement to here and combined it with his service to the board.

Original version:

“I am delighted that Jim has joined the Board of Discovery Air. His substantial experience with issues of corporate governance and financial reporting will be a great benefit to the Corporation. ” said Mr. Bennett.

PR Writer improvements:

“Jim’s substantial experience with issues of corporate governance and financial reporting will be a great benefit to the Corporation,” said Bennett. “We welcome him to the Board.”

Reasons:

1. Commas follow quotes, not periods.
2. “I am delighted that” and similar phrases sure better be the truth; otherwise, why do a news release?
3. We’ve already introduced the idea of the Board so why repeat it. His benefit as written is to the corporation not just the Board.
4. Better to say he is welcomed to the Board, rather than simply delighted to have him. Not so crazy about either version.

Can’t resist the following!

Original:
Fire Prevention Canada – Time change – Check your smoke detector
MONTREAL, Oct. 31 /CNW Telbec/ – Fire Prevention Canada reminds you when resetting those clocks back one hour this weekend to also check the batteries in your smoke detectors. The sad reality is that on average, fire kills eight Canadians every week. Residential property fires account for 40% of all fires and a staggering 73% of all fire deaths. Most of these deaths are caused by
human carelessness and so are completely avoidable.

PR Writer improvements:

MONTREAL, Oct. 31 /CNW Telbec/ – When resetting clocks back one hour this weekend, Fire Prevention Canada suggests checking batteries in smoke detectors.

Fire sadly kills an average of eight Canadians every week. Residential property accounts for 40% of all fires and a staggering 73% of all fire deaths. Human carelessness causes virtually all the deaths; they are completely avoidable.

1. 54 vs. 67 words.
2. Don’t use ‘you’ in formal news writing.
3. Starting with when resetting clocks taps into the news event: reversion to standard time. The most important thing is not Fire Prevention Canada reminding you—that’s only the attribution.
4. “The sad reality is that” is another one of those phrases like “I think that” or a variety of others beginning with that. It can easily be replaced by converting “sad” to “sadly” and having it modify “fire.”
5. On average is clearly unnecessary.
6. A great deal of ‘fire’ repetition in the sentence beginning with “Residential property.”
7. We removed the passive voice in the last sentence.

Can we do this for you? As Obama says, Yes, we can!

As any Mac fan knows, Jerry’s desk on Seinfeld desk was a virtual gallery of Macs in the 90s. The show started with an original all-in-one Mac SE, and then featured numerous others as the show gained steam. I can’t believe I was the only one who noticed.

But when the recent announcement came that the comedian would become a Microsoft pitchman, in addition to his other duties for American Express, no one in the media seemed to realize the delicious irony. I emailed Simon Avery the author of the Globe and Mail’s otherwise excellent piece and asked if he was aware of the Mac’s role in Seinfeld? “I was looking for just such a reference yesterday afternoon!” I urged him to call PR Writer next time.

A Google search of other stores turned up the remarkable circumstance that only The Washington Post picked up the amusing nature of the announcement:

“Apple’s ad campaign “Get a Mac” pits a coat-and-tie clad older guy (John Hodgman) representing a PC, against jeans and T-shirt-wearing Justin Long, who plays the Mac. The commercials have also poked fun at Vista.
Steinberg said this latest campaign by Microsoft shows that the rivalry between the software company and Apple is reaching the intensity of Coke and Pepsi’s cola wars of years ago.
It’s also possible Seinfeld seems more like a Mac guy, Steinberg said.
After all, it’s a Macintosh that’s seen in the background of his apartment on ‘Seinfeld.’”

My brother Jesse Rotman of the Rooster Group is apparently a better Googler than I, as he found the following other reference in PC News:

“One sidelight to all this has been the buzz that Seinfeld used a Mac on his old sitcom. ‘Used’ is a generous term. I don’t think I ever saw him—or any character—sit in front of the Mac SE-class system and type a thing. Even if he did, how is that relevant to computing in 2008? It’s not.”
So how come only The Washington Post and PC News got the reference? And why didn’t the Microsoft story even mention it, to head off a possible slagging somewhere in the media. Is it that we are so commercialized that Jerry doing yet another endorsement to increase his fortune even more isn’t news? And why wasn’t it one of the story’s key messages?

This story is somewhat like the movie Goodbye, Lenin where a family tries to convince their dying mother that all of the BMWs appearing in East Berlin were as a result of socialism’s victory. Here someone goes from Mac to Windows, a similarly unlikely occurrence if you’ve been watching the young people clamor for Macs, now that they have used iPods and know Jobs scored again with the iPhone.

And why didn’t Jerry ever use his Mac? Every other part of his apartment became a scene of action, from the bathroom to the kitchen. Maybe he was like McCain and didn’t know how to use a computer. If he did, then he wouldn’t have lost his joke on that episode where the piece of paper with the idea on it was thrown away in Los Angeles.

All in all, somebody other than me, the Post and PC Mag should have noticed it—certainly the AP Tech writer originating from Seattle. At least someone should have asked the question whether Jerry was a Mac or PC user: if you look at the commercial, you know the answer. Here’s the link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxOIebkmrqs

New-age tools have also been the backbone to his immensely successful grassroots fundraising drive. Altering a page from Karl Rove’s playbook, Obama’s team has assembled two disparate masses: the party faithful and the black vote. One hundred dollars at a time, his new communications tactics appear to be weaving a less corporate, more cohesive political web.

While exciting, this revolution also poses some serious questions for PR practitioners. Is this new way actually going to prove successful at the ballot boxes? How much of the youth vote will actually live up to its promise and turn out. Political scientists will be analyzing this for decades to come. Is the voting public, particularly the older demographic, ready for the shift? Is it too soon for a Web 2.0 election platform? November’s election will provide many of these answers, but the following analogy may prove insightful for now.

Imagine a luxury car manufacturer believing that his company must be relevant and launching a sleek new Web 2.0 campaign, replete with various social networking applications. As always, it is necessary to identify the underlying audience for the company: buyers and potential buyers. In reality, this group is far removed from early-adopting, bandwagon-riding young people who would be most likely to experience the campaign. It is important to keep this contrast in mind when looking at the utility of Obama’s strategies…

This parallel proves that no matter one’s desire to change, the fundamental marketing realities still remain integral to success. Obama thus needs his Democratic base, lobby support, older swing voters, veterans, single mothers and older women, precisely and other groups (along with Latinos) on the Web 2.0 periphery. Premising a campaign on the ‘new way’ may very well disenfranchise the population needed for its success.

This is a communications paradox indeed.

Politics, like some areas of business, is still a staunchly entrenched environment. Web 2.0 should therefore augment a solid campaign, bringing into the fold otherwise inaccessible groups. Losing sight of who the actual voters are might see a great deal of creativity go to naught.

Given John McCain’s technological ineptitude, we can only hope not.

Amidst the pomp and pageantry of Beijing 2008’s opening week, one may be excused for an inherent reluctance to prematurely rain on the Chinese parade. This is, of course, a historic event years in the making, with lofty expectations on many fronts – human rights, the environment and press freedoms, to name but a few. The ensuing pressure on China to justify holding the Olympic Games has been enormous.

Ironically, in trying to ‘get it right,’ on the PR front the Chinese international “coming out party” instead has been a ruinous affront. They have pushed too hard, creating a glaring irony plainly visible on the Games’ austere veneer. In painting an idyllic picture to the media and outside world, the Chinese have forgotten their most crucial audience: everyday citizens.

By catering their message to the newsroom instead of the living room, they forgot an invaluable contemporary communications lesson:

No matter the money invested, the number of mouths shut or your message’s totality, one-way or Web 1.0 communications will simply not work in today’s Web 2.0 environment.

Take the opening ceremonies, for example: what was meant to appear as a simultaneous sequence of giant firework ‘footprints’ ended up being an elaborate forgery.  Then it was revealed that the nine year-old poster child who sang Ode to the Motherland was lip-syncing. The real singer, who was 7, unfortunately had crooked teeth and was deemed too chubby for TV. Both cases were uncovered promptly on Chinese blogs, with ensuing international media coverage.

Should the Chinese have done anything differently? It’s easy to say that avoiding dishonesty would have been a smart idea but that’s applying our open society model to a semi-closed one. Evidently, even with the eyes of the world watching, the People’s Republic hadn’t listened to sophisticated advisors who clearly would have predicted that the lip-syncing, for example, would be found out. Acknowledging and embracing the harsh realities of today’s China could have been endearing, somewhat of a rallying cry for Western audiences. Instead, they tried to emulate (or trump) the West, and it’s ultimately proven embarrassing. From a communications perspective, it would have been intelligent to portray themselves as what they truly are: a rapidly developing state that is making vast economic and political strides, yet still has far to go.

This illustrates the importance of two-way dialogue in today’s communications environment. The blogosphere allows for anyone to be a credible journalist. Messages will inevitably get out, stories will leak and speculation often reigns. Regardless of the resources available, people now want to be engaged, to share in the discussion, to shape thoughts and, in many instances, to foment controversy.

This principle also holds tremendous weight here at home. As the Chinese are quickly learning, ignoring the relevance of blogs, social networks and everyday citizens is not only ignorant, it’s increasingly costly. Keep on watching – there are undoubtedly more lessons to follow.

News flash: communications will never be the same. The social media revolution has altered the landscape of public relations. It is not apparent to most practitioners yet but it has happened. My students at Humber College know it and they are eager to embrace it if someone could just explain it to them. It is more than Facebook, MySpace,YouTube and Linked in. It is a way of thinking that changes the entire model of communications as it’s been practiced perhaps since Ivy Lee and Edward Bernays launched public relations as a means of communications during and after World War I.

The previous top down model is best described in the hit TV series Mad Men, which if you have not seen it, you owe it to yourself to tune in. It’s all about the sexist, racist, tobacco-addicted advertising world of the early 60s. At the time, television, with its famed three networks, served a connected, unified hypermarket. You could really sell a mass product like cigarettes to a mass audience.

Today, you can sell to a mass audience but you must effect a communications plan that is collaborative,inclusive and quasi-democratic. It invites audience participation and the influence of the audience. There is even a new template for the Social Media News Release, which describes all the ways that multi-media, RSS feeds, video and blogs become part of the new equation.

For additional information about the Social Media News Release is all about, visit these URLS.

Social Media News Release Template:

http://www.shiftcomm.com/downloads/smprtemplate.pdf

Monologue has given way to dialogue:

http://www.briansolis.com/2007/06/future-of-communications-manifesto-for.html

Brian Solis of San Francisco has emerged as one of the leading thinkers in the social media landscape.

Die! Press Release! Die! Die! Die!

http://www.siliconvalleywatcher.com/mt/archives/2006/02/die_press_relea.php

The first manifesto in the war against top-down communications.

We will return to this topic frequently.