Calling out XM Canada, an old client at the Wilcox Group and something I subscribe to, for bad writing is painful but this is too good (bad) to pass up. I am indebted to my Humber College class for pointing it out—the individual herself will remain nameless to protect her later job prospects but thanks just the same. We review good and bad writing as a way of trying to articulate how it works or not. It was very clear to her that this did not adhere to what we learn as best practices. Here’s the story:

XM Canada Kicks Off Search for The Ultimate Soccer Party Guest with Online Video Challenge

Best Seats in the House Up for Grabs for 2010 FIFA World Cup Final Game at Wayne Gretzky’s Restaurant in Toronto

TORONTO, June 25 /CNW/ – There is no bigger event in sports than the FIFA World Cup(TM) and no better destination for sports fans than XM Canada(TM), the country’s leading audio entertainment company. In celebration of its in-depth sports coverage, from MLB(R) and The PGA TOUR(R) to the final 10 playoff matches of the 2010 FIFA World Cup South Africa, XM today kicked-off The Ultimate Soccer Party Guest Challenge in search of the best party guest in Canada. The lucky winner will celebrate the 2010 FIFA World Cup Final in front-row style with 24 friends at Wayne Gretzky’s Restaurant in Toronto on July 11th.

Note how many questions this writing raises:

1. There is no bigger event in sports than the FIFA World Cup(TM) Is that news? While it’s true now is it intrinsically reality at all times? Why begin with it; is it something editors need to be informed about while it’s happening? Why the TM? Not necessary in a news release, which isn’t advertising or marketing copy and never ever used in media. Just annoys editors who have to take it out.
2. And no better destination for sports fans (TM) than XM Canada, the country’s leading audio entertainment company. Another useless TM with more wasted commercial message.Where’s the news? Aren’t news releases supposed to start with the story? Are we reading an ad here?
3. In celebration of its in-depth sports coverage, from MLB(R) and The PGA TOUR(R) to the final 10 playoff matches of the 2010 FIFA World Cup South Africa…Still wondering what the story is and why we need to know about and celebrate MLB and PGA (in unnecessary caps, no less, and the two R marks, ever seen those in the news)? This is not inverted pyramid style, following news values, it’s the pyramid right side up.
4. XM today kicked-off The Ultimate Soccer Party Guest Challenge in search of the best party guest in Canada. The lucky winner will celebrate the 2010 FIFA World Cup Final in front-row style with 24 friends at Wayne Gretzky’s Restaurant Finally…some news! In the fifth line of the story. Not the biggest story in the world but certainly more useful to editors than ‘celebrating in-depth sports coverage.’

After considering writing various company leaders about this release, the class urged me contact the author directly to avoid creating difficulty for her and we said:

“Today in our PR writing class at Humber College, we were looking at examples of different types of PR writing and we came across your release for XM Canada and the best party guest competition. 

We were puzzled by your lead and second paragraph; it struck us that it buried the news and we were also wondering about the usage of TM in a news release when it is never published in media. 

Also the sentences appear to be lengthy as well as there were many company acronyms mentioned. 

Could you tell us for PR educational purposes what was your thought processes concerning this news release? Is there a specific format to be followed? What is the rationale for this style?”

She responded promptly with a certain candour:

“Thanks for your note.  I agree with your points about what typically are good approaches for releases. As I am sure you can understand, unfortunately, we can’t give you and your class much more context on how this specific release was developed due to standard confidentiality about client projects and processes.

I’d be more than happy to share our general point-of-view of writing for the media and social media.”

We will be inviting her soon….

Tags: Blogs, Editing, good writing, News Releases, Public Relations, social media, Twitter, Writing

by Richard Rotman

Professor of PR, Humber College and PR Writer Extraordinaire

Here’s some ways I’ve used my iPad in its first week…

Walked into the Dean’s office at the college where I teach, and dazzled him with simply having an iPad a day or so after launch and he also appreciated its many fantastic features. Also showed the all-female media faculty the machine, with one person saying, “I didn’t think I’d get to see one for several weeks.” Another faculty member already had one from a U.S. purchase.

Sat on my front porch on a nice warm summery night, answering emails with my new case, which came separately, securing the pad. The case is useful; makes it a bit heavier but the feature by which it’s propped up makes it easier to type and to use as pad for notes when giving a talk. It came separately and when Sheldon, the FedEx guy delivered it, he asked what it was, as each iPad owner received a second shipment. I told him and then asked, “Did anyone show it to you?” and then told him to sit down on a chair next to me and showed him what magic he’d been delivering.

I am definitely in the habit of reading the media in the morning at breakfast with the iPad. I haven’t missed my daily newspaper delivery and in fact now believe the iPad is more convenient than a big broadsheet. I’ve read it on the subway, on a bus and well…in the bathroom.

Today, I had to deliver a talk to a small group of people and it wasn’t feasible to use a projector. I outlined my talk in Word, emailed to myself, then opened it in Pages—a great App, all for $9.99. It was a great way to have a prompter, as I flipped up the pages with my fingers and kept talking. I also looked quite au courant to media studies teachers.

Starting to replace some Blackberry usages with it, too. Calendar for sure. A calorie counter to watch my weight. Blackberry mail is great and convenient but do I need it? My kids and a close friend use Blackberry Messenger. But I could do without it. Thinking of cutting off those usages with Blackberry as much as I love them. Saved on newspaper purchases and on telecom too?

So after one week, what do I think of it? I agree with Walt Mossberg even more. It could “profoundly” change personal computing. Its size is very convenient and it’s so much better to use in a meeting than a laptop—and for sitting on a porch using WiFi, it’s not only less obtrusive but also more convenient. The main reason for which I purchased it—media and books—will come to pass. I like it. I wonder what the next improved versions will be like?

Tags: Editing, good writing, iPad, Public Relations, social media, Twitter

Thinking about launching a social media campaign for your business?

Prepared with the assistance of Humber PR grad student Heather Smith…

As the ever changing landscape of public relations continues to evolve, social media has become a central focus. From blogs to Twitter to Facebook, social media is being used like never before. Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: Blogs, Facebook, social media, Twitter